just had a panic attack with suicidal thoughts. it’s the worst feeling ever.
i feel useless and pathetic, dying is the best solution but i also feel weak, like a loser, for wanting this.
i am also anorexic with bulimic tendencies, most probably depressed, have gad surely, in few words am totally f*cked up.
i have no friends, no surprise. i was bullied, so yeah, that’s the reason why.
i have just my mom i talk to. but i don’t want to worry her, she has heart problems so that’s not the best idea.
i talk to a close relative, but i feel also like i bother them, like a burden, always complaining like a child.
my older siblings dont give a f*ck about me. but i dont care, they are horrible people anyway.
the panic attacks always are triggered by my academic life. a totally mess. i wonder how i came so far, honestly. just luck i guess. average at least.
now, after writing this rant i feel a lil better, i dont know how much this feeling will last.
i heard today that people always leave you, but God is always there if you have Him in your heart. i feel worthless cause i think about God only after having serious suicidal intents.
on good days, i cope with movies, books, music, religion sometimes, and dreams about the future.
but sometimes my dreams become nightmares and i only wish i wasn’t born,
i just crave death.
