• 2 weeks ago
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I remember the butterflies I’d get when your name popped up in my messages every time, phone or messenger I’d always get them and my heart would race. Crazy to think I didn’t realize what I was truly feeling because I’d never felt that way before I mean I have had “things” or whatever you want to call it, but they turned out not the best and I was okay leaving them.. with you was a different ending. I told your partner you were cheating with me, so you would realize how much she’s worth and you loved her not me, even though it was and still is hard for me knowing I wasn’t the girl you wanted to be official with – I question myself daily, I look at her profile and wonder, I blocked her so I can stop thinking about everything. I wish I was her! And that day I told your girlfriend you said to me “I think you told her because you want what we have” and no shit, that’s exactly why I told her.. I wanted you but knew you had already chosen her so to let you go I had to tell her so you would leave me alone, I mean sure it started as fun here and there, but as time went by.. my feelings become more, I told you how I felt and you ignored my message that night I did! I feel sick some days that your off living happily and have no idea how much I cry literally sick to my stomach I guess it’s the hurt I feel.. and I even wonder if maybe you miss me, I know I mustn’t have been much special but you always did come back.. and not this time around because your love is on the line! I just can’t forget it as easy as you, you have a distraction a happy ending the girl who had something more.. and I was absolutely nothing to you 😞 sure guys ask.. and I tell them no because I don’t want to end up in the same situation. I’m fucked up until who knows when, I think about asking my brothers to bash you and pour my heart out to them! You would do that for your sisters right? I feel like wishing bad karma on you. Feel like telling you all of this so I can get it off my chest! So fucking much 😭 it’s honestly hard.. and I pray for the day I no longer think about you, I want it to be soon. I probably sound so crazy, how much I fell. But I can’t help that you were who I wanted, and I was declined and the second option, and I was told sad things.. your apology really wasn’t shit when you have no idea how I feel and I can’t even explain it all.. just want it all to go away, drinking my problems away it may look like I’m having a good time but all that is good about every time I drink is I briefly forget about you, then the next day comes and back to sqaure one and I know drinking and other guys won’t help me with it. My heart is heavy, I just wanted to write it all down.. this is how I feel right now so broken

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