God, I wish I could kill myself. Can’t. 1. I don’t wanna mess up. 2. It’s painful. 3. What if I’m punished for it in the afterlife. 4. I don’t want to hurt my loved ones. I’m just so depressed. I have ptsd from a life of psychological and s***** abuse. Also, isolation. I’ve had barely any positive human interaction. I’m practicslly a f****** feral being. I need to just go outside and live, but I have so much fear of abuse from people. I’ve substance abuse issues. I just…I am quitting tomorrow. I’m getting a dog, soon. I pray that helps. I’m killing my money by draining her money with my addiction and medical bills and with my emotional outbursts. She doesn’t give me enough love. I’ve never gotten enough love. What’s worse is that when people start to give me love I get scared they will hurt m and f*** it up. I hope things get better.

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