I hate myself, I am always anxious, I always have nightmares, I feel I can never make a difference. I feel like I’m wasting everyone’s time and the worst part is I know I do good work, I work effectively, care for others and always hear nice things but I physically can’t feel joy. On top of that whenever I show “joy” I know it’s a facade intended or not and I feel like crap like my feelings are fake. I just want this pain to stop but I couldn’t kill myself, I’d hurt too many people I care about so I’m the meantime I’m stuck in this looping hell.
