• 5 years ago
  • 534 Views

i know it was my fault. f***, i even told you. you… were my best friend, the only friend i could trust my whole life with. i know i’m a complete a******, and i’m sorry you had to put up with my attitude all the time. i guess, that’s one of the reasons why i loved hanging out with you. i could share the most inappropriate s*** and be disgusting and you’d just play along, y’know? that’s so rare. maybe i even loved you a little bit. so, you know, it’s f****** heartbreaking to see you leave that bracelet i gave to you (in hopes you’d look at it and not think of running a blade on your wrist) on my desk in class. you didn’t even- it’s not even- why couldn’t you just give it to me face to face? why did you push me away when i needed you? but that’s not your fault, right? you were just talking with our mutual friends. the ones that could stick with you forever, the friends that don’t even know you’ve been self-harming, the ones that you couldn’t trust your mental health with because they’d look down on you. yeah, that’s… fine. dandy. whatever makes you happy, right? i left you, and you left me. fair enough. i f****** hate myself because of you, i f******- self-harmed because of you. but deep down, somewhere, i still tell myself that i miss you. that none of it is your fault, you should leave me and live a better life without a toxic person like me clinging onto you. it’s always, and always entirely, my fault. i hope you’re happy out there. losing you is worse than any other break-up. but i guess this is farewell, platonic soulmate.

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