I have hurt someone that I loved.. I cannot imagine your pain. I understand it was very hurting.

I have thought through this again tonight while my whole family is asleep. I am tired but more logical now.

In summary

Why did we/I cry
1. Fear of losing each other
2. Fear of something this special not happening again

What happened after all the tears
1. Some of the pain is gone with the tears
2. Traumatised.. May not be the same again
3. Some of the love may have gone with the tears

Am I happy this happened she asked?
NO. I thought this would be better for you. Now I have my doubts. Did my world collapse? yes. Was I worried about you? Yes… My plan failed. Did I self inflicted suffering on myself.. Yes.

Was I happy this happened.. Yes. I am happy as I was compared to her father whom she loved dearly.

What made me do it?
I had wanted to do this last week.. We talked about it.. Non of us dared to do it. When I penned my thoughts.. We always felt the ending would be bad. We had no solutions. Maybe when I heard you say several times.. “Don’t be nice to me, if not I will not be able to end this next time” maybe because I sense your hesitancy.. And realised this may not be what you want and I am the snake that have tempted you….

Do I have a wish if I could have one?
Yes. Let me love you and accept the love. Don’t run away. Open the door to your heart fully.

What do I suggest moving forwards
1. End it
Why.. We both shed enough tears. Never cried so much past 10years…. Been through the heart break why waste it… Now that you are upset & disappointed with me, this is the best time…. We are so close to ending it… If I did not initiate the msg… This would have been the outcome. Also now you are so fierce now… But still lovable.

What would your father’s advise be?

2. Continue with clear measures to protect our love ones/friends/family/career
Stop talking about ending it. Talk about how to balance it. We will meet much less often than we would wish.. Yet we would cherish all opportunities and put in our 100% when we are with each other. If one day you are sick of me I will naturally be sad but will happily fade off as promised

Logically and not being selfish I strongly strongly recommend you pick option 1. Please be angry with me and vent your negative feelings at me. Ignore me and curse me. Your will family will bring you great joy and you would soon heal and be back to normal.

Emotionally and being selfish I want option 2…someone promised to cook. I want my food and my smiling snow.

Will wait for you at the carpark lot where I had my chocolate cake till 330pm if you pick option 2..

Very tired now. Good night.

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