• 5 years ago
  • 225 Views

I’ve became everything that I tried to fight against. I’ve leeched off of my dad again, telling him that I felt hopeless and worthless. He didn’t know what to say, when I disregarded his advice and came back time after time. I feel even guiltier for attempting to vent to my family as I know that it’s just placing a burden on them. I feel manic at the same time, I feel as though I want to cut myself and I feel excited at the urge of blood gushing out! I don’t know what to do, my psychosis has been bothering me recently and I feel like my every move is being monitored. Yet my mania comes into play here, I feel as though the people are below me and have no right to speak to me. I keep imagining cars scraping past my body and sometimes voices from the past calling my name. I hallucinated a black widow spider looking me in the eye and sucking my d*** once. I don’t know, everything happened so fast and now I’m threatening to kill people, r*** people and commit suicide. I’m a danger to myself and others and I’m expecting to be institutionalised if I dare speak out about this. If I keep lying to my therapist and pretending that it’s just anxiety and depression, I’ll never get the help I need though and they mind find out anyway. They can even have me put away if I say that I’ve been self harming. I wonder what the f*** they’d say if I told them that on February 14th 2018 I tried to suffocate myself with a plastic bag and some duct tape. I’ve been trying to eat healthily and cut out distractions such as p***, nothing is working. I know that moaning won’t stop anything, I need physical change. It’s f****** hard though when the only way out is to have your CV completely fucked with. My autism doesn’t make it look good anyway, I wonder what the f*** employers would say if it had bipolar on there too.

All Comments

  • For shit’s sake get some meds. You honestly need them. Don’t wait. Get a psychiatrist soon. I’m rooting for you.

    Anonymous April 22, 2019 10:10 pm Reply
  • i pray for you because a black widow sucking dick… weird

    Anonymous April 23, 2019 8:09 pm Reply

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