The one single person I thought actually cared for me and my well-being clearly doesn’t fucking give a shit. I feel empty. I don’t know what I am at this point and I feel like I’ve lost everything I could rely or hold on to. I’m lost.
Sometimes I think about how convenient amnesia could be, considering that I am unable to forget about things and move on. You know, just hitting my head real hard somewhere, hope I successfully reset my memory.
I feel alone. I still love my ex nearly 4 years after we broke up. I love someone that I know doesn’t fucking care about me. Yet I still hope she just tells me something like ”sorry i’Ve been through some stuff” just so I can go back to holding onto that inexistant hope of dating her again.
I’m done. I was on on my balcony, looked at the ground and thought about how easy it’d be for me to just jump, break my neck and end it there. Maybe she’d care then. Maybe I could forget. Maybe I could move on.
I’m not considering suicide. Let’s just make that clear. I’m not gonna do anything to harm myself physically. I guess you could call it a suicidal thought, although I wouldn’t really. But I’d get it.
I’m just a failure anyways.