I will never be enough for my parents, like never. They feel as if I’m a disgrace to the family. I have a younger sister and for my parents she is the prefect child. Well because she is better in everything and I am not ( only according to them). I an exam where I scored 41/45 she scored 44/45. I got a 1350 in my first SAT attempt but her score is 1590 ( she gave 5 attempts however when I wanted to give a second attempt they did not allow me to do so. Why because its just a waste of money when it comes to me).
To be honest I am pretty satisfied with my scores and all but they are my parents and I do expect some sort of appreciation from them. It was my sister’s 15th birthday and she got a macbook (at that time I did not have any laptop even though I was a year ahead than her). Because I am enrolled in the IB I NEED MY LAPTOP and when my teachers called my parents and asked them to buy me a laptop they brought the cheapest second hand lenovo laptop ( half broken) for my 16th birthday. But I was happy cause I at least had something I could work on.
Moving on to her 16th birthday and she already had a mac book and got her second mobile phone this birthday. The same year I had my !8th birthday and guess what I got. A lip balm, hair ties and nail filer. Can you even imagine this!!!!!
I was so hurt that i cried on for days and days. I sill am very upset and just want to move out and go to college. One more thing about that…. While filling out the financial document for my colleges they say they only have INR 10 Lakh ( 15,000 USD) but in my sister’s financial document they say that they can provide upto INR 70 lakh ( 80,000 USD)!!!!!!
All of this stuff is so frustrating and I seriously don’t have the energy to deal with this anymore. More soever I have now started having suicidal thoughts on a regular basis. I really need some sort of love and support in my life at the moment.
