• 6 months ago
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i am in middle school, and i think im on the verge of feeling suicidal. recent events and experiences have all built up, and I’ve realized many things simulataneously that lead up to one conclusion: i hate myself. i hate my body, my personality, i hate the type of people i surround myself with, and i regret many of the decisions I have made. this may be a defense mechanism or what not, but the more and more these images and scenarios pop up in my head where i off myself in front of my peers, to i guess relieve the pain i feel of having a deep hatred for myself. i hate to pity myself so much, when i can learn to love myself, but it’s so hard. i don’t know what to do, because the person that makes me feel the most inconvenient is my mother. i feel that i am a burden to her, and lately every little thing i do pisses her off. all of these online therapy websites require a parents contact information, and therapy in real life means having to tell my mom in order for her to make the appointment. my mother is a very tough person, and she proclaims that you don’t need other people, and only you can solve your own problems. when i need to talk to her abt stuff on my mind she shoos me away, because my problems are so frivolous (forgive me if im using that word in the wrong context), and there are bigger things to worry about. i really don’t want to die, or push myself into a deeper mental hole. i think im a good kid, i don’t hang out with kids that do hardcore things (drugs, sex, among other things), i get good grades, etc. i don’t desire to harm anyone else, physically nor mentally. i just need to find help so i can truly feel happy again before i do something, because i have this bad feeling that something will inevitably happen. if anyone does read this, (idk how this website works, if you can reply or not), if you can reply to me, and give me guidance, that would be deeply appreciated. thank you.

All Comments

  • All that I can advise you is that, You are not alone. It may sound cliche and silly but someone in your school or just a random person you just glance at and walk by is feeling the exact same way you are. We all go through tough times and some people have better coping skills than others. You shouldn’t feel ashamed about how you are feeling. Sometimes it just takes one person to lean on to make it all better. Maybe try to open up just a little bit to anyone you’re close to. Just know that I too have the same things that torment you. Please try to stick around longer. In a week, month, or maybe even a year from now you might look back and say “I’m so glad I didn’t kill myself”. Please don’t do something you will regret. As for your issues with your mother I would at least try to open up a little bit and make some sort of effort to make her listen. Sit down with her, make her know that it is serious. Ask her about professional help. Again please know that you are loved by someone in your life. If you think that no one loves you, know that I love you (kinda sounds weird I know). Stay alive for me okay? Would that be enough?

    Anonymous January 13, 2019 5:28 am Reply
    • thank you so much. <3

      Anonymous January 13, 2019 9:04 pm Reply
  • Sell yourself into slavery.

    Anonymous January 13, 2019 5:46 am Reply
  • Don’t pay attention to the trolls and bullies, they have nothing better to do with their lives but to make others suffer to make themselves feel better.

    I’ve been in your shoes. Literally everything you said was how I felt in middle school except that my mom was a little more sympathetic towards my feelings. Something that helped me a lot was getting a job so I could have my own money and help provide for the household. But what helped me the most was being honest about how I felt and having a serious conversation with my mom and doctor about my depression and anxiety. I had to try a few different medications but I found something that works the best so far. Now, I’m not telling you to take meds or get a job, that is up to you. It helped me but that doesn’t mean that it will definitely help you. I am sorry that you’re feeling this way but as the first person who commented said: You. Are. Not. Alone. I thought I was and that no one cared about me or appreciated my presence. I found out years later that many people I cared for were also going through some kind of hardship and didn’t know how to ask for help either. Some old friends recently told me that they missed certain things that I did with them while we were in school. I wasn’t popular or very charismatic but I made an impression in those that mattered. I’m sure that it’s the same for you. You would be missed if you gave up and took the easy way out. Make no mistake: You. Are. Loved. Any rude voice who tells any different is doing it for attention (that goes for classmates, family, or voices in your head). Maybe pick up a hobby? I suggest reading, video games, archery, drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, etc. It helps a lot to have something to take your mind off of everything and also something that genuinely make you happy. I hope everything works out for the best and I was at least able to make you smile 🙂 Have a great morning/day/night! I have hope for you and your happiness.

    Anonymous January 14, 2019 2:14 am Reply

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