It’s still painful to know that the first time that said that you love me was when you were about to lose me because you hurt and then abandoned me when I needed you the most at the hospital when I was bleeding out… and I was and still am a fool to come back to you and to be willing to love you again. I still get PTSD from this, and I don’t know who to tell because I am afraid that once they know, it may not be so easy for you to be welcomed back into my heart again.
I don’t know if I actually love you or if I hate you because my heart runs hot and cold nowadays.
