In two days my toddler is going to the hospital for physical and behavioral issues. Next day I’ll get results.
In three days I’ll know if I can handle parenting any more.
If not I’m going to sell everything I have of value and send the money to my partner and leave. City or the wilderness I don’t know but I need time. I need to process the last few years of barely eating or bathing because of my status as caregiver.
I need to refresh my life. If this is the way my child is always going to be I can’t be around it anymore. I’m done. I’m so tired and sorry for all of this.
But I’m f****** done.
I’m a human being and I’ve been living without any regard for my own humanity for too long. It has to stop before I hate my own kid. Either it changes or we go our separate ways
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What problems is your toddler having? I know caregiving stress can be so great. I take care of my disabled mom. I wish you the best. We hve to take care of ourselves, too. No one seems to realize that and when we do take time for ourselves, people will hate us and say we are abusing or neglecting our charges, but they never offer to do anything so I say fuck them! We do our best, and sometimes it is not good enough, and that is perfectly okay. We weren’t made as indiviuals to live someone else’s life. If you need that kind of help for your child, by all means get it. And treat yourself kindly. Wishing you the best, love.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Sometimes life throws things at us that we simply cannot handle. Just because other people can make it work doesn’t mean everyone can. Do what you gotta do.