I’m diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety. Not self diagnosed, an actual diagnosis from a doc. I feel so..bored with everything. I hallucinate stuff. I’ve lost all connections with people. Including my mom and sister. I stay inside my room all day all week, all the time. I scream in my sleep. I see no future for me. I see no love. I feel like my life isn’t meant to go on further.
I dont share all this anyone. Hell, I HAVE no one to share it with. I mean it actually. I hate sounding like I’m emo or something, like what I’m saying are the ramblings of a depressed person, but it’s just..the truth. Everything is boring. My personality isn’t that great. Its not that I hate people, I just..don’t care for them. I lie a lot. And mostly, I lie to myself. Oh man, all I want..is someone to tell me I’ll be a good person. I’ll be fine. It’ll all okay. It’s selfish of me. I can’t tell this to someone and THEN have them do it for me. I’ll feel even more worse because it doesn’t feel..real. I want something unfiltered, real. I’m a real hypocrite.
I overthink about overthinking. And oveethink about that as well. I observe other normal perspectives of people and try to emulate them. I can’t. My head hurts. My eyes wont shut. I’m tired.
There’s too much to share, not possible to share them all.
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do you want to talk it sounds like you have a lot on your mind.. also what do you do all day if you never get out??
I read. I read law books and encyclopedias, play games, use the internet. Etc. Everyday is the same. Tomorrow is never a “fresh” day for me. My libido is at an all time low. I really feel my life is going to be very short. Just found this place to say this shit.