I’ve been having suicidal thoughts since the young age of 9 or 10 in 3rd grade. I didn’t even know that suicide was a thing and millions others also feel the same way as I did. I’ve always felt like I don’t deserve to be where I am right now. That I’m stupid, lazy, selfish, and moody. I always got very anxious whenever I talked to people. I’d avoid eye contact and mutter at a barely audible tone. I feel like anything I say is incompetent and stupid. Just a waste of breath. These feelings followed me into my teenage years where I currently stand. I don’t feel like addressing this to my parents because they’re Asian and probably would just brush me off about it. Yet, I’m too scared to even try and down a bottle of pills or anything. I’m glad about that because if I died, there wouldn’t be a chance for things to get better.
