I want to die. I want to find someplace quiet, and peaceful and end my life as quickly and painlessly as possible so I don’t have yo fight anymore. I don’t want to struggle and never get anywhere anymore. I want to take some modicum of control of things and that is the only thing I know to do. I’m tired of fighting, I’m tried of struggling, and I’m tired of living. I just turned 36, and I just can’t anymore. I don’t want to go on, I don’t want to fight fight, I don’t want too.
I feel guilty because I have these thoughts and they are stronger and stronger every day, and I know that if I do it, it’ll destroy two lives that I care about, and what scares me the most is that each day I feel less and less guilty and more figuring out the logistics.
