I’m a 16 year old boy and I need help. I was never properly raised and practically raised myself and spent years alone yet managed to actually become quite funny and had girlfriends and big friend group. The problem was that the girlfriends I had, I used for sexting apart from one. I was already sad and confused mentally but what made it worse was finding out my sister had been raped by my brother, and that I was moving schools. I only had a few friends the entire year and spent practically every night alone. During that time my s***** desires got more and more disgusting. I degrade myself on the daily yet keep feeding it. I don’t know what to do. I think I do it because of my lack of affection as a kid. Now I would never r*** or commit any crime it never nor will ever get to that point of uncontrollability because I have a f****** soul and a conscious. But that thing is, it’s just nasty and I don’t want to get to the point of getting hard to snuff or some s***. What’s weird is that the second I c** I immediately regret it and actually don’t get any pleasure from it. Sometimes I’d cry. But also what’s weird is that the weird s*** I’d watch I’d never actually engage in. I find it gross when I’m flaccid but the second I’m hard I could practically nut to anything.i don’t understand it. I consider myself straight and love girls but when I’m hard I could nut to gay stuff and see a guy in the street look at his bulge and get grossed out. Like its not repressed at all like I’ll totally look at it and not like it. There’s nothing burning in me saying “I’m gay I’m this I’m that”. It’s kinda fascinating in a gross way. What I really need is love, affection, and proper attention and parenting. The thing is my current parents (stepmom and dad that saved me and my sister from my brother and mom) work alot and aren’t the most agreeable people meaning they’re dicks. Lol like they’re not the stereotypical teen parents that are actually great people. Like they’re just dicks as people, like if they weren’t my parents I wouldnt get along with them whatsoever. But anyways like I said I need help and hopefully during next year (my junior year) I can turn it around and climb my way out of this hole I’ve crawled myself into. I’m a product of failed parenting. If there’s anything you can get out of this garbled mess of confessions is that in the age of the internet you can’t afford to fail your children. You have no idea what they could be engaging in online. Unless you monitor their web usage which is honestly something you should probably do. Because they could spiral out of control and end up a s***** deviant like me but unlike me could end up an offender. And in general don’t fail your child, it could mean the difference between a success story or a news story. Thank you for reading,im on a road to recovery and that starts right now. ~ CC

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