I need feedback because I’m depressed. I was taken or I should say ripped from my family and home 3 times by CPS when I was a little child (10-12). It wasn’t for a good reason- failure to attend school. I was scared to even go outside of my house to play a lot of the time because I was scared I would be snatched by psychologically abusing CPS workers. CPS workers forced me to lie about abuse, including s***** abuse, just so they could win their case or look better in court. They had me sit for hours repeating their stories until I got them correct. I am a horrible person for lying about s** abuse and I used to think no man would love or trust me if he found out. I just wanted to go home and be loved.
I thought I had gotten over it but lately, the emotional pain and trauma are hitting me all over again (I’m in my late 20s). I’m afraid to have children because I don’t want to lose them and have them have to go through the trauma I did (of being removed). I don’t even want a husband or boyfriend. It is difficult for me to form meaningful relationships. I feel like I’m no good because of this and that I’m not worthy of love. Please guide me, in any advice you can, how to forget about this. I think about this every day and I don’t want those experiences to ruin my life. Please help? Also, please read about my experiences before you call CPS ON ANYONE.
All Comments
Oh god, that’s horrible! Try to seek help if you can.
I think that it’s not about forgetting your past, but coming to terms with it and finding ways to cope. Most people would suggest getting help from a psychiatrist or something similar. It’s okay if you don’t want that though. Some people, like me, learn to move past it on our own. Maybe you should find a support group, something that can help you bond with new people and cope with your troubled past. My biggest piece of advise for you: FORGIVE YOURSELF. You were young, you were manipulated and you were looking for love. It doesn’t mean you wouldn’t make a great parent and/or spouse. Good luck <3.
I cannot thank you enough for your post- it is some of the best advice I’ve ever recieved. I want to hug you. ? Tears came to my eyes as I read your post. You are right- I don’t want to see a therapist because they create records and most, if not all, of the records from these original events have been purged and destroyed. The last thing I want is to have more official records about those events. So, I’ve decided to go to a priest in confession- they cannot tell anything you say and they don’t keep records. I think a priest could be a great advisor. Thank you for your confidence in my to be a great spouse/parent. You don’t know how much that meant to me. Sometimes I can be a little over dramatic because I have anxiety because of what I went through, but the chance of CPS coming after my children is probably slim to none. I just hate the whole CPS organization but just because it exists doesn’t mean I should let my fear of them dictate whether or not I have children. My fears have got to stop today. Thanks again ?
That’s great! I wish you all the luck and all the love in the world! Don’t let a broken system take you down with it. You’ve got this!