I hate my mother. I really hate her so much. This not coming from a teenager but from a man on his mid 20s. I have so much hate on her that I don’t know where to vent until I found this site. At the very beginning, I respected her because she raised us with my father working overseas. But as time passes, she keep treating us like we were s*** stains. If she finds out that you are not useful to her any more, she’ll throw you away like very used rags. She curses on us like we were slaves, like we have no value on life. She thinks that were just tools to make her life comfortable. She said at one time that she loves us, this was after a fight with my big brother. But now, I don’t believe any of her f****** lies. She keep treating the same over and over and over again. She never once gave us any f****** respect on what we do in life. We just money machine for her. She always taught us to respect people who liked you, a very bad role model if you asked me. Worse of all, she respects the dead, that she doesn’t know, than the living.
I had a dream once to be something special. To be something like my father. But that went crashing down when she keeps on dictating on what direction that I should go. Now, look at me, I’m f****** useless. My degree is useless and I can’t even find a job that uses said degree without any f****** experience. Sure I have working experience as CSR but that’s pretty f****** useless if I tried to find work that isn’t related to customer relation. I’m so f****** useless right now, I can’t even find a proper job that will remove me from my f****** home.
I have always thought of suicide will my ticket. I have thought of it so many times that I lost count. I always tell myself that it is not the answer and how will your family and friends react. I’m thinking about it up to this day. I never thought my life will be like this. I can’t think of anything that will make feel better on this upcoming days. I’m just occupying my self with games and anime so that I can forget all of this feeling of loneliness. Hell, I even tried to contact extra terrestrials to get me off this planet. My mind is a swerving vortex of self hate and pain that I made myself into an emotionless being that only knows pain and suffering. I can’t even find a way to make it go away other than killing myself. The loneliness, the pain and suffering that my life gone through out the years that I’ve been alive is really regretful. I’ve been like this ever since my mother tried to throw me out of our home and brought me back in when I was sleeping like it was nothing. I have hated my life since then. All of this pain and suffering has boiled up that I can’t even cry. It’s very painful. Love is fiction for me. I thought it was really when i found someone but in the end, it was nothing but lies. I thought that my life was a wonderful one but it only ended up in pain and suffering.
I’m so alone. I want to release all of this pain in my chest but I might end up killing someone and myself. I want all of this pain to go away. I want it gone and start a new life. If anything, I want to give up this life and start a new one. If anything, if someone can kill me without me feeling any pain is appreciated. Because I want to end it all. My life isn’t worth anything at this point. Life for me is worthless now, it has no value. It may be a gift that was given to me but it is a gift that I regret receiving.
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Your words dudes…really makes the reader feels like he is living that moment. You are in your 20s you are still young you can do something, reading your words maybe you should consider writing as a hobby and just start from there idk but do not kill yourself, some parents think being harsh with their children means theyre raising them well, raising them to be strong but its really wrong, however try to find something youre good at and practice it as a career. Your mother might be the reason you are feeling bad about yourself but it is up to you to make your own self feel better, you can do this buddy I trust you
I have no idea where you are what is your life situation but a wise anecdote from a friend of mine says ‘if you have the chance to do something you want, then you should do it.’ If all these problems are centered on your mother, then you should stand up for yourself and move on. You are in your 20’s. I left my home when I was 18 to an apartment. You don’t have to get a job from your degree. You can get even a part time job to support your own self. When you are independant from all, you will see that you are the one leading your own life. Pack your things. Move on. You will meet friends, lovers and others. My partner did. My partner found me. I picked her up from a similar mess. We treat each other not because of physical appearance, we treat each other for who we are. You WILL find people that are like you. And similar people tend to like each other. Trust in yourself. You can do anything by yourself.