When i was 17 years old a boy from my school raped me. I never told anyone because i couldnt admit it to myself. I am now 22 years old and have finally truly realized what happened that night.
I thought it was my own fault. How could i blame this boy for what he did when i let it happen… but i didnt. Its not my fault.
I couldnt tell anyone because that night i went to his friends house where he was staying to buy weed, while waiting on it he offered me a cone i took and shortly after that one hit realized something was wrong. It was laced with something else. i will never know what it was… i started to skip moments… pass out… next thing hes trying to kiss me i tried to push him and say no. It didnt work… again time missing… we are in a different room now hes taking my clothes off i said no and shoved him but i fell backwards his friend stood in the doorway watching… time missing… im turned around now… bent over… legs spread.. hes behind me. Holding himself in me… i tried to move.. he pushed me down, into the floor and put his wait on me. I couldnt breathe. I felt crushed. Time missing again. Im outside now. I dont know where. Im alone… next thing i woke up in my own bed. No clue how i got there.
I know now it wasnt my fault.
I thought because i went there for drugs and i smoked them while i was there i did it to myself.
5 years of not understanding, not believing…

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