• 5 years ago
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Iv been into girls since I was 3yrs old I oddly remember checking them out as young as 4 even my attraction for them was very intense from 8-15 yrs old. Then I kind of started liking guys only because I had to but I kinda learnt to like them & sort them out .

But now in my early 40s I can honestly say there has never been a time where I would see a man & say to myself I want to f*** him never have I thought that , but with woman I used to & still say i want to f*** them.

I would just go with the flow if a guy asked me out but deep down I’m not attracted to them, I dress girly because I try to hide my tomboyishness truth is I hate girly s***. I know 100 percent I’d be much happier if I came out but I’m married depressed hoping to god my husband would just leave me so I can be free to be who I really am.
It’s never going to happen & that makes me sad.

All Comments

  • Oh, I’m so sorry, darling… it’s understandable, as you grew up in a different time, that you would want to be accepted. We now live in a new era where LGBT+ is accepted, and it’s incredible to see how we’ve changed, but I feel as though people like you shouldn’t burden yourself over this. You got married to a man because you wanted to conform to society’s normalities and rules, however, now is the time you should feel free to accept and express yourself. If you’re unhappy with a man you only married because you had to, you should bring up your priorities. Your opinions matter. Your happiness matters. You matter. And you deserve happiness and love. You should feel free to be yourself, darling. Know you’re strong and that there are people here to support you. I send this to you with love and care. 🙂

    Anonymous October 25, 2018 10:04 pm Reply
    • I’m the OP thankyou anon for your kind words it means a lot that some one understands, I was happy plodding along (well kind of) until one day about a month ago when I wasn’t. & I can’t stand another day lying to myself the fakery is just trickling down in all aspects of my life.
      Wish I had the guts to explore my sexuality before marriage but I can’t turn back time & im just getting older so yes the time is now. I might get disowned but deep down I know that I’d I would still be happy inspite Of that because I will be free.

      Anonymous October 26, 2018 7:00 am Reply
      • I grew up, and am still growing up in a very different period- but it’s still a period you’re living in. I may be just some anonymous young adult giving you advice, but I can promise you there’s people who will be your friends and family by your side. You’re still young, even if you don’t feel you are so. Take life by the horns and pull as hard as you can, my dear, because life doesn’t stop for anyone, and it’ll only get harder the longer you try and hide your true self. I know you can do this, I truly believe in you. 🙂

        Anonymous October 26, 2018 10:39 am Reply
        • If you want to keep talking, message me on Instagram i_thatonesketchyartist_i
          It’s the same person commenting by the way, I hope you figured that. 🙂

          Anonymous October 26, 2018 10:53 am Reply
  • I don’t know if you’re even still reading the comments on this, but I want you to know that there is a giant community of people out there that support you. Your story is not one exclusive to you, there are many people who have been pressured into heterosexual relationships when they really would rather be in a homosexual one. My advice: have a heart to heart with your husband. Sit him down and tell him exactly what you feel. Tell him that he was a great husband, but your feelings towards him are platonic. Try to find an LGBTQ+ support group in your area. To be honest, most of the people at that group will probably be a bit than you, considering they grew up in a different time. Embrace your butchness. I don’t know if you have any children or not, but if you do then don’t compromise your happiness so that they can live in a two-parent household where one of them is miserable. They might be bitter, reasonably so, but better to be upset for a little while than to slowly realize that their mother isn’t happy. This might sound silly, but maybe listen to the musical “Falsettos” by William Finn. It’s about a gay man in the late 70s who was pressured into a heterosexual marriage but then gets divorced to be with his boyfriend. It explores the feelings that someone in your situation and their family might have after a divorce. That’s all in the first act. The second act has very little to do with your situation, but it does have the lesbians from next door, a bar mitzvah, and the AIDS crisis so I’m not gonna stop you from listening to that. Personally, I find that indulging in forms of the arts that are similar to your situation in life can help you deal with it. That is actually how I came to accept my sexuality and leave my religion, by listening to a different musical (bare a pop opera, but that’s besides the point). Anyways, I hope that whatever you end up doing turns out right and just know that I, and countless others, support you.
    Sincerely, a sympathetic bisexual

    Anonymous October 28, 2018 2:41 am Reply

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