I feel a deep remorse for this. I’m honestly disgusted with myself. I’ve had many opportunities to have s** with different women from middle school up to now. But I didn’t have the balls to take control and lead whatever I had going with a girl to s**. It’s my senior year and I’m currently homeschooled due to setbacks and failures. There wasn’t many girls I was meeting due to this. I almost feel like at the time of this I wasn’t in control of my life or myself. Dreamlike i just idk. A friend spoke to me of an experience of his with an e*****. Mind you I have an immensely insatiable libido and with no good opportunities around I kind of lost control and hired one. I lost my virginity with a prostitute. Worst thing I’ve ever f****** down I’d rather still be a virgin and wait. I’m not even sure if I lost it I came right away and I had a condom on. I’m not even sure if I went in correctly I wasn’t even looking I was nervous and she slid it in. For all I know it could’ve just been in the very entrance. I try not to think about it but it makes my stomach twist. It’s almost like it never happened cuz that wasn’t me idk what it was that got Into me. I like tot honk it was all a dream or it never happened. Idk this is shameful
