I was drinking at my boyfriend’s friends and everything was great. He was DD and we were driving home when our sexy talk was triggering me and he got annoyed cause I wasnt answering and just repeating myself. I didn’t realize anything except I was scared/angry so I went mental.
Screaming, crying, try to jump out a moving vehicle and wanting to end myself. I was unhinged basically.
All of that was a nightmare and makes me feel terrible but I did something I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for. I hit my boyfriend. Likely with all the strength I had. I believe in the chest but it’s kind of a blur and I didn’t want to ask in the following days. I have never felt so much hate and loathing for anything until I did that and I felt it towards myself. It makes me sick and there isn’t a way to fix that.
We had a lot of issues before this but this was the moment I knew it was turning me into someone I hate. I just feel pain. I wish I could undo it.