I failed. Again. I have no real defense. It was just too powerful for lonely single guy who has no confidence. None. I was sick too w virus. I hate that its so easily avail. I prefer old days when much harder to come by and expensive and dark. Crucify me. I dont really care. My best friend is going on a cruise. I m stuck here w a failing car end roommates who hate me. So i dont give a s*** no more. I think heart died a long time ago. But i am sorry. It always feels bad
