I am 29 and confused. I have been confused about my s******** all my life. I happen to be the girl next door, blond and blue eyed and a high school cheerleader. I am very much in shape and work out regularly. I am also a high achiever and make over a 100K and can pretty much do what I want. Well except that I am confused about my s********.

I dated this girl, she is an engineer. She is an engineer and pretty Alpha. I liked it but I couldn’t handle it, I am just not that passive. I dated this other girl, she is an elementary school teacher, soft, nice, pretty, motherly. I just couldn’t. And this brings me to my confusion, I didn’t so much date as met a guy from work, he wasn’t too much interested in what I thought, he pushed me into it and the next morning I got sick from regret. Puking sick. I am so scared that I go buy the Morning After pill. I never told him it was my first time with a guy. I never told him that I had several times with several other women.

But I can’t forget him or get him out of my mind. Around him I am just about as stupid as that elementary school teacher was with me, blah blah blah, anything to be close to him. I get myself transferred to his division to be close to him. I am stupid drunk in my mind I don’t know what other words to use. Sure I have gotten better at s**, it’s not quite the same. I don’t so much enjoy it as I feel I need to be relieved. But I am not able to walk away from my constant crush cycle with other women, nor have I been able to walk away from hooking up with another woman, she is a Marketing Rep and she is exciting and she is beautiful, just my type. And making love with her is enjoyable, I just never have that felling of being relieved. From one bed to the other, I am cheating on both of them.

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