Excuse the rant. I am 31 and I have a small art business, mostly my stuff and I show some other artists work. I have always been scared of men, since I was very little. I have been in a couple of women relationships that lasted a long time. The owner of the building I’m in is a woman in her forties and she is married to a man in his fifties. He has never left me alone and insists on having s** with me. I feel disgusted every time. I am disgusted right now. The whole p**** thing makes me sick at the stomach. His s*** is inside me and I can’t wash it out. His stupid little sperms crawling around inside of me, he never listens. He won’t leave me alone. I go upstairs and sit there and wait for him to come get me. I’m sick, I don’t want his stupid little sperms inside of me but I can’t stop myself.
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You can stop. Do so.
“I can’t stop myself.” I’m being honest here, not being a dick or trying to make you feel bad. The way you phrased that sounds to me like your hormones are taking over, and even if you’re disgusted by men, you LOVE sex and love having someone inside you. Which, that is understandable. Lesbian relationships are nice and all, and the sex can be good, but when it comes down to it, a vibrator and dildo are not the same as a dick. Your body and your hormones are wanting to be fucked by a dick, even if in your mind you don’t want to.
It also sounds like the owner’s husband is taking advantage of his wife owning the company to sleep with employees. I am not going to say it’s rape, because from the sounds of it you are consenting, however you could be consenting out of fear you lose your job. My point with this is, if the husband is raping you or coercing you, you 100% need to tell his wife and call the police.
Honestly, even if the sex is consensual, it needs to stop IMMEDIATELY! He is cheating on his wife!! Cheating is one of the worst things that can be done in a relationship and/or marriage.