I did something horrible because of my addiction, and now I’m terrified I might get caught because of it, and lose my whole life, which is wonderful otherwise, on account of it. I’m selfishly terrified about losing my life and I’m so scared that what I did will come to light and hurt the people I’m closest to and love most, and I feel like s*** that those two things are equally important to me. I keep praying that god will protect me and them from those consequences, and give me a chance to recover and heal without losing all that. I’m so scared, and I know I am going to never give in to my addiction again, I can feel it, this time is so much different from all the other times I was afraid of getting caught. As horrible as it is, I know it is different because I feel real guilt and shame and fear for my loved ones instead of just being worried about being caught. It hurts so much inside I wish I could just go back and stop myself from that one thing, just the one line I crossed that I’ll never be able to back away from. I don’t want my family to suffer for my sins. Please God save me and save them so I can have a chance to repent and atone without their suffering too, please please please please….

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