But when I saw her for the first time, I instantly felt somewhere that this is the most charming and uniquely beautiful woman I have been face to face with.
And I instantly felt guilty, even before I knew she had a family I was guilty because I was forming my own, and I pride myself on my loyalty.
But is loyalty and betrayal a matter of actions and decisions or feelings? Because my actions and words were always those painted with the innocence of a sibling’s affection. My feelings though, a different story.
And first I kept a distance, was it to seem scarce and cold and hence possibly more attractive or was it because I was scared of feeling more?
But anyway it didn’t matter, before long we were buddies and work besties, when two people click, they click.
And even when the conversation was done or dull, or when time was tight, we prioritized having a coffee or finishing some work next to each other, even making the stupidest excuses for that, excuses to justify to who though?
But I was mostly certain this was all me, I was an innocent trusted friend to the mother of two, but my vivid feelings to her weren’t that. Was I betraying her trust? And before worrying about her trust what about my amazing woman’s trust? No. I wasn’t. I didn’t do or say anything and feelings are feelings they come and flail away and what can’t be helped can’t be blamed for.
And when I knew she was leaving, I wanted to fight with my teeth to keep her next to me, but there was nothing I could do. My sadness was masked with my own other worries, and anyway I’ve always been tough and used to goodbyes. Maybe this was for the best, out of sight out of mind no?
But something is telling me this isn’t the out of sight yet and sure as hell not out of mind.