When I was 13 and my sister was 8 I took advantage of her and was curious to know how she functioned s******* because I knew she masturbated so I went into her bedroom one night and persuaded her to show me how she did it. I was extremly turned on by this and I ended up touching her, asking a lot of questions, and then watched her as she finished. I feel so guilty for this. Such a horrible thing to do and I Knew it was wrong at the time but I let my desires get the best of me and my lovely sister who has no doubt lived a life with this shame inside about this. The biggest guilt of my life. It was never talked about again. Im in my midlife now and this has ruined my self esteem ever since. Ive always felt that I’m stepping on someone elses world by being here on Earth and that I’m taking up too much space. Forever sorry.
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Go talk to a therapist. As long as you make a concerted effort to get better, you’re okay. Your life is worth it.
Yes, therapy may be in order, but personally I think you are being too hard on yourself. How is your sister today? Do you think she dwells on the past like you do? Look, I took some liberties with my brother when I was 16 and he was 14, and honestly, I don’t regret it. Further, I have taken some time to talk about it with him and he doesn’t either. Maybe you should start your healing process by talking to her.