What do you mean? This is women throughout my whole life, anything from lack of interest, to one of us up and moving away and never seeing each other again, to some of the most horrible soul sucking shit you can imagine leading up to being left behind, to just going our separate ways.

Then years go by. you don’t see these people and THAT is when you know if they meant something to you. You think about if you care where they are now and if you can imagine yourself with them again, and sometimes the answer is no, I don’t care. I would not want to go back there, even if it wasn’t bad. Other times, they bring you back to a more innocent time, and when it ended, it ended just like that, and that was that, and there was no internet, so when it was over then, it was over, and I remember missing the hell out of her and people, but having to live with it, wondering if they miss me too, knowing their perspective of it too. No choice. There one day, gone the next. See I have a soft spot for a girl like that. I see her sister somewhere, all these years later and her sister sees me and we don’t say anything to each other, but we know, she moves to sit in my projected path out the door, and I hope she takes it back to her sister. She recognized me, which definitely says something about her sisters perspective.

But yeah. Some I don’t care for in retrospect even if it was not bad, and I was “in love”, some need a lightbulb to go off to ever remember but all I felt something for at the time. You can’t take that back. You can look back at the truths and say “well given the way it really was, did I really love her?” and if it was all lies, maybe you didn’t.