My best friend has made a great effort to reconnect with me. We’ve always been great friends, but there were lulls where we were absent from each others’ lives. I want to reconnect too, but I find myself so mentally exhausted that it’s work to try to hang out and, although he’s never pushy or mean, his relationship with his girlfriend hangs over things. I like her, I like him happy, but I’m not comfortable hanging out with the two of them as a third wheel, and, because I don’t want a relationship after many years of being driven by it, I feel guilty about not being more outwardly supportive of his. I almost feel a relief at times when his schedule keeps us from getting together; I hate the guilt I feel when I’m not up for something and I hate that I don’t wholeheartedly want to jump into the parts of his new life involving her. Maybe I’m jealous…or maybe it just hurts me further to see the alternate reality I could be living if I took a similar path? I’m not an emotionally-well person and sometimes I just feel emotionally worse after spending time with him. I don’t understand why but having my best friend be a source of guilt and discomfort only makes everything more gray.
