• 6 years ago
  • 306 Views

I had 14 months and 16 days clean from heroin and meth as of September 20th. No cravings to use or get high. Still come to see 1 or 2 people very rarely. Tonight I was feeling lonely and came to see one of those people. I’ve had quite a few shots of tequila. I have some pretty significant things happening in my life…but still haven’t even wanted to use… doesn’t even cross my mind. He left me at his place to run around and do what people in the dope game do. For absolutely no reason I decided I was gonna find and take a hit of meth. I found some and instead of one hot smoked whatever was left 4 or 5 hits… then scraped a pipe and made a shot… sat there for at least an hour poking and digging. When I couldn’t do it.. I became desperate and sloppy. Ruined it before I could actually do it. I haven’t even come down and I’m already so ashamed… I don’t understand why I even did it… I don’t even want it or like it or like myself on it. I’ve been so proud of myself and the person I’ve become. I have so much to lose. I don’t think I can even gather the courage up to admit this mistake to anyone. I have to keep the rouse of my clean date up and carry the shame with me. My feelings of accomplishment will no longer be there. I will feel guilty and ashamed and I know it will eat me alive. I know what the right thing to do it, but I don’t think I can do it. I don’t have the courage… everyone around me is so proud it is incredibly difficult to say I ducked up again. This time especially because there is no reason or explanation for why I did it!!!! F***.

All Comments

  • It’s not the end of the world. Just shake off the dust and continue the good work you’ve been doing throughout all these years

    Anonymous September 20, 2018 5:05 pm Reply

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