Please, whoever you are, I just need a pair of ears. I’m just a girl dealing with a lot of stresses as of now, and no one I know the name of is ready to handle the kind of confession I have. In school, I’m humiliated. I know that social status has no purpose outside of school, but it’s making a mark on me. Without any more stalling, I’ll admit all my truths.
My mother calls me a phase, and my father refuses to admit my feelings. Just over a year ago, I went through a verbally abusive relationship. It was bad from both ends, and my (now ex) girlfriend and I were tearing each other apart. I was alone, and scared. My girlfriend kept bothering me about a break up that had already happened, yet she was unaware of. One thing led to another, and, from an outsider’s perspective, my girlfriend gripped my hand threateningly and violently. A woman, and if I’m being 100% honest, she one of my teachers, rushed over to come defend me. A little backstory between my teacher and I, well, her and I both lost family members we were close to and bonded over that fact- but after this, after it felt like she saved my life, I got the courage to break up with my girlfriend and, to make an even longer story short, I ended up falling in love with that teacher.
Now I’m standing here, a year later, and after getting over my teacher, I’ve started crushing on new people- however, they all fit a similar standard.
-Shorter, brunette hair
-Briliant smile
-Put together, feminine style
-Glasses, or standout accessories
-Bland and/or pastel color scheme
-Dark, wise eyes
-Pale skin
And, most notably,
-Older age
I’ve never found a woman under the age of 40 physically attractive.
At first I was convinced it was a phase and sort of hoped it was due to the terrible bullying and harassment I revived, but, crush after crush, I realized its not going to go away.
My friends and family were absolutely distraught after they all found out about my crush on my teacher, and especially my parents were disappointed and disgusted. I lost groups of friends over it.
Adding fuel to the fire, I feel like I’m falling yet again… of course, fml, it’s another teacher- but she is just something special. Someone, please dear god help me, I feel like I’m doomed to be alone forever. As soon as my new “friends” find out about my feelings for this new teacher, they’ll all leave me. Why do teenagers s***??
All Comments
There is nothing wrong with you.
True you’ve been abused and because of your experiences you’re now drawn toward older women. That’s perfectly understandable. But don’t ever think something is wrong with you.
We change as we grow: we go through phases and stages. They’re all part of the human experience. Some phases are permanent while some are temporary. Those permanent “phases” now are part of what and who we are as individuals. Your so-called friends are showing who they are by abandoning you. Believe me you are better off without them.
Indeed you are better than you think you are.
Thank you. I think it just all hit me at once last night when my parents were interrogating me about why I think teenagers suck and why I’m not interested in dating. I ran from the conversation, which only made them more angry and suspicious. Your willingness to listen has lifted a weight off my shoulder- thank you, kind soul. The world could use your bravery and support. 🙂
You’re welcome, but I thank you for sharing. I’m glad I was able to help you. Take care and don’t forget what I said –
There’s nothing wrong with you.