I became friends with someone from England maybe five or six years ago. We grew inseparably close shortly after we met. She was in love with someone from America. They had been seeing one another for a few years before I became involved. Anyway, we used to joke that we wished there were two of her because we had some insane chemistry and I felt like I was falling for her. The problem was, that chemistry sort of failed us once she moved to America and finally married the guy.

We stopped skyping, stopped video chatting or talking voice wise. She stopped telling me her fantasies and last week she opened up to me after getting blasted drunk since she got her greencard finally that she was embarrassed by what we had been because she loved her husband but she had found a piece of herself in me, based on similar experiences we had gone through among other things. She was embarrassed for feeling a s***** tension between us when she had her husband. She was also talking with a guy in the same group we’re in and what had happened between us was essentially happening with him.

Now she’s bringing all her guilts to me, expecting me to be able to handle it when I’m still feeling the green finger of jealousy and envy that it’s not me anymore, despite the fact that we’ve remained decent friends. I’m feeling guilty because I’ve always liked her more than a friend and it hurts every time I think about it that the reason I stopped talking or trying to get close to her was because I didn’t want to be a home breaker, or the reason that she would get sent back to England.

I want to tell this guy, this guy who is an utter douche canoe, that he needs to back off since she’s a married woman, but it’s not my place to and it’s not my place to talk to her actual husband about what she’s feeling. She’s literally told me that she wants to f*** him and she would if he was in person at her home and her husband wasn’t there.

On another note, there’s this other married woman I’ve begun talking to. At first, it started off as an innocent friend talk. She’s had this habit of saying she’s lewd when she’s tired, or that she’s lewd when she’s drinking and we had plans to meet next year at the site get-together and that she’d even pay for me to go if I somehow couldn’t. Her husband treats her terribly and like she’s trash who is going to cheat on him at the drop of a dime but I see how good a wife she is, how good a mother, and I want that for myself.

In her case, I’d be willing to become a home wrecker because of the way he treats her. I also am insanely attracted to her and we have been having cyber s** via RP since week before last. No intimate pictures have been shared or videos but I’m pushy when I get h**** and I know it’s only so long before I break and bring it up. I’m like on the verge even now. Just seeing her would probably drive me over the edge.

She loves this man, though, and she’s going through the loops this month because her mom died Sep eleventh, I’m not sure if it’s in the same situation that happened to America a while back or not.

Anyway, I just want to do what’s best and I don’t know if me getting in between is a good thing or not. I’m still young. I haven’t had a whole lot of s***** experiences. I’m chubby with a beard and I’m not tall. Not exactly setting records for my appearance or in drawing in the women in person. Everything, in some form or another, is a perverse obsession to s** that I can’t rid myself of. On top of that, part of what I’m feeling is that I haven’t had a release in a long time, even personal release.

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