I was s******* abused as a child. As an adult I find myself very aroused from thinking about s***** acts with children and between children (I am the child or just an observer in these fantasies). I’m very ashamed by these thoughts because I know I can never truly share them with anyone because of the stigma behind pedophilia. Also, I an a woman, so that makes me feel even more alone.
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You can always talk to a therapist if you are bothered with your thoughts
I’m too ashamed to admit it, even to a therapist.
I feel the exact same way, as a child I was repeatedly raped, and now I find children attractive. I hate myself for it, I am truly disgusted with myself everyday. And I am also a woman.
I don’t find actual children attractive… it’s just what I think about when I fantasize… but yes it does make me feel disgusted and hate myself too.
Yes, I’ve observed that many pedophiles seem to have those thoughts. The data available on pedophiles is very limited because of the social consequences for law-abiding people who confess to being one. People would much rather vilify an entire group and spew hatred at the mere mention of pedophilia than try to understand the viewpoint of the “scum.”
The best “advice” I can provide you with is to understand that your thoughts are not voluntary. They are, like it or not, a part of your nature and being. For you, it is a “natural” attraction. And that’s something that people without it will likely struggle to understand because they are wired differently.
You can control your behavior, but you cannot control your biological tendencies.