Years ago, my husband survived a car crash. But he’s different now: PTSD, pain, limited mobility. And impotence. I care for him with all my love, but in this state, I see him like a baby to nurse, not like the amazing man I married. And you can’t be in love with a baby. I want out, but I would be a monster if I did.
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He is still the man you married, and just imagine if you were in his position. It’s ok to have feelings of wanting out, but try to remember who was/is. That is what marriage really is, and you would hate yourself for life if you copped out. People evolve, but don’t do anything you couldn’t live with.
Perhaps I would feel better if I could take some time for myself, but it’s difficult (I have to work, too).
Generally, I feel I am too young to live the rest of a very, very long life in remembrance of when he was amazing. How do I solve that…
it is in times of need that the truthfully nature of human shows its real character character.
Don´t worry, humans are selfish by nature!!!
I am selfish, and I don’t even know where I find the strength to care after him, I thought I did not have it in me.
That’s why i feel so guilty: one day I WILL go, and live a new, selfish life. It starts to feel just like a question of time.
It’s okay to want something good happen to you. After all, it’s your life. Rise above all those stereotypes. There’s no one whom you need to show that you are amazing by constricting your needs and desires. It might seem monstrous to leave him in this situation and move on with your life, but it’s the right thing. Whatever happened to him, it was really sad, but that doesn’t mean that you should get stuck with the situation and mourn your whole life over his condition thinking about the way he used to be before. Move along, and get a life, for you and only you. You’re a human anyways. You deserve better. You can wait and be with him if this is curable, and if you think he’s gonna return to what he used to be. Otherwise you shouldn’t be guilty for wanting a better life for yourself. Go girl. It’s okay to think about yourself at first.
I think this is a bullshit answer, and OP kind of does one a blessing to do it. she should probably talk to a marriage counselor of a sex she’s not attracted to, but I’m telling you she will hate her self and her 40s and will probably changed her mind with a different kind of love after menopause.
it cut off my answer before I had a chance to edit or add to it. My point is OP should seek help, and not out. Definitely not try to mask or excuse as any other actions anything else. I think she needs to talk to the family of everyone involved, and see what they think because of his original family wouldn’t mind taking care of him then she could have the life she wants now but at the same time if they offer support to her instead it would help her in her current situation. it all depends upon how you word it, and seek help from others first and then feel out the crowd. Just present that you don’t know what to do, and you are overwhelmed with feelings. “ I love him but this is too much emotionally to bare, and I work all the time. What do you all suggest?” I would word it something like that
Definitely agree, don’t get out big regret!!!seek council. There is way to help.a care giver 3rd party this gives you time to relax and be yourself w no stress.
I’m the OP. Because we moved to a big city when we got married, both our families are quite distant, so they’re not much help. (And I do read the unease in their eyes when they do come to visit- it makes me feel like kicking them out even before the end of their stay).
A big city is better because of the bigger choice of treatments, hubby and I agree % on this.
Try talking to your husband about it.
Go to counselling.
Maybe your husband would even be willing to have an open relationship, so you can satisfy your needs, that he can not.