• 6 years ago
  • 316 Views

i’ve lied to my friends and my girlfriend.
i love them all so much and they’ve been here for me.
i grew up abused and alone, 2 years ago i met my best friends dawn, cheyenne, and moose who is like my father figure despite being a girl.
2 months ago i started dating my girlfriend bella.
they have always accepted me from when i came out as bi, when i started identifying as genderfluid, when i was self harming, and through my depression.
but i’ve lied a lot about being happy.
i love my friends and i’m so so in love with my girlfriend.
she’s not my first relationship but she is my first love.
i’ve lied about being better, i’ve lied about not being jealous, i’ve lied about being okay.
they think i’m fine but i’m not.
i think about suicide all the time, i feel so hollow, i feel like i’m not enough…

everything about me is so unnatural from my face to my body to my sense of humor, i just feel like an alien.
i have so many problems that i don’t know how to deal with.

they’ll all leave me someday but i just want to hold on for as long as possible. i am not worthy.

All Comments

  • Don’t be afraid to confess to them and tell ’em what you said here. What’s the worst that could happen?

    Anonymous May 23, 2018 4:56 pm Reply
    • they’ll be disappointed and angry with me

      Anonymous May 23, 2018 5:03 pm Reply
  • your only guilt is to think about suicide
    just ignore negative vibes
    live with them happily
    not vryone is luck enough to have friends.
    live with them forever dont let them down by dying

    Anonymous May 23, 2018 5:01 pm Reply
    • this isn’t something easy to just deal with or i would have done it long ago

      Anonymous May 23, 2018 5:04 pm Reply
  • The person who commented above is right! Every life is worth living because we only get to do it once! Being different is actually a good thing! I don’t think they will be disappointed in you for confiding in them how you really feel, they will most likely want to help you in any way they can! The fact that you are talking about it here is a good thing (safe place) and tells me you really want to have that conversation with them so should do it! There is a very little downside to talking with them but a great deal of upside!

    Anonymous May 23, 2018 5:23 pm Reply
    • i feel like no one here is taking me seriously when i say i have suicidal depression…

      Anonymous May 23, 2018 5:44 pm Reply
      • Trust me – I am my friend! My son also battles depression so I know how low one can go! Please go speak to a therapist – they can do wonders. My son now takes medication and is slowly becoming a completely different person – for the better (his better)! Suicide is the cowards way out – battling and beating your demons will be much more satisfying in the end!

        Anonymous May 23, 2018 7:11 pm Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Simply Confess