i feel so guilty all the time. i feel so selfish. positive things just bounce off me but everything negative just sticks to me and digs deep into my skin and leaves bleeding gashes in its place. ever sense i grew old enough to learn that almost everything my parents told me was fake and that they where hideing the truth from me iv been thinking that everything anyone says thats good is a f****** lie. to try and fix this iv tryed to get as many compliments and positive remarks as i can but yes they still feel like lies. i still do it and it just makes me want more positivety in hopes that one day it might feel real but it still never dose. the cycle continues. i feel guilty becuase i know that what there saying is true but its still feels like a lie and i dont know how to fix it but its selfish becuase if it just feels like lies then i think that i dont deserve any love becuase im just hogging it for myself when it dose nothing for me. i know that some people dont even get love from there parents which just makes me feel more selfish. but then with negativity its just “your a f****** looser with no life.” and i think “ITS F****** TRUE KILL ME PLEASE!!!!!!” and to even out all this love i dont deserve iv been hurting myself and iv been being negative to so many people. they should just go away anyway. i was just using them to feed me air. im just being a selfish waste. they shouldnt waste there time ill just use them again. they dont even know im using them. im f****** a g******* stupid B****. atleast when im negative to them theyl leave and i wont use the for my selfishness again. theyl avoid me and never come back to me. thats good becuase i wont be a leach. there is several new scratches covering my body. a worthless b**** like me only deserves this pain. im worthless. im selfish. i have no tallents. im no one. im wasteing air. im wasteing space. im a waste of life. i dont belong here. i dont belong anywhere. im a attention w****. im a failure. im a disgrace. im just a emotionless b****. im just a monster incapable of love. im f****** a parasite. dont waste your time iv been gone for a long time. just leave before your used to. i dont want you to be hurt by me but thats the easyest way for you to leve me and for you to save your self from such a disgusting mess. just go befor i have to hurt you. just leave me. you wont leave me. why wont you leave me? you wont leave even though im saying so many horrible things to you. physical harm wont even loosen your hug. why cant you see im not worth it? just f****** leve me. dont you see ill just use you like the rest? finally you let go but you still wont leave me. if you wont leave i will. i run. but im a f****** idiot. i cant run from my own shadow. i cant break it. but i can break me.
