I say I don’t want children but the truth is I don’t want fucked up children. If I knew I could have a sweet regular kid I’d be fine, but it’s the gambling aspect I don’t like. I don’t want an autistic kid. I don’t want a mentally disabled or physically disabled kid. I don’t want my life to become about managing their care and doctors visits and special schools. I don’t want a kid who will need to live with me for the rest of my life because they’re incapable of independence. You hear those stories about parents who abandoned autistic kids and drove away, or killed them, and I feel like a monster but I sympathize. I would resent them so much. I would hate my life and I would hate them. So I think it’s better that I not even take a risk on having any kids, because if they’re not normal I know I won’t love them.
