• 6 years ago
  • 494 Views

I stole my dad’s credit or debit information as a child and bought game stuff through an online merchant and never told him it was me. I’ve let him believe all sorts of lies I’ve told him. And I feel extremely guilty. I can never show it because he would know something was wrong instantly my dad was always very nice to me, and he never once thought I was the one who had taken money out of his account. I’ve stolen so many things from so many people. I even once slipped a pill into my grandpa’s pill counter one extra hoping it would kill him if he took it, I’ve justified this by telling myself it’s okay due to him allowing my father aunts and possibly uncle to go through s***** abuse, and also the physical abuse. I tell myself that he should have stopped in to honor the bond of family. It didn’t work, he lived at least two more years before he contracted merca. He was a nice man and I probably wouldn’t forgive myself if the one pill had killed him. But I mean I literally did try. Didn’t succeed. But seriously feel guilt. Shame. anger. Obviously can’t talk about this thing either. I feel like people are out to get me just because I typed all of this onto a website. I just want to be a normal person and never do any of these types of things. I don’t want to do drugs. I just want to build a new name for my family one that has honor. How can I do that with all these mistakes I’ve made. Shame. I’m clearly trying to make major changes. I’m at a tipping point where I feel as if I don’t just find a way to admit this s*** that I’m going to just f****** off myself. I can’t do that though.. now I feel depressed looking at my short life so far and realizing that I have done most of the worst things a person can do. I’ve been crying on and off about what I did. I’ve had fear about releasing these things. But how do I carry on if I can’t admit it to someone somehow… forgive me people. Forgive me God if you’re still a thing in my life. Forgive me please. Because I can’t really even forgive myself. I’m happy to say this isn’t some sort of suicide letter. I won’t do it to my family. Besides suicide is like quitting at half time during the super bowl. Also I have a p*** addiction, like seriously everyday I have been jacking off to regular18+ and gangbang18+ and all sorts of bad porn18+. I’ve been telling myself I’m going to stop watching p*** and jacking off but I can hardly get myself to go one day. I don’t really have s** with anyone. Occasionally with my girlfriend. I’m like fried. I don’t want to have s** with anyone. Except my significant other cheating has been a problem for me
I’ve cheated In almost every relationship I’ve been in. I won’t let myself do more evil things. So here it is world. I’m sorry, I really need to move on from my mistakes I’d rather not move away from the town I’ve lived in most of my life. No one here could know about everything I listed. Some people know some of it. I wish I could go back and take back all of those actions…

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