• 3 weeks ago

i didn’t think id ever stop to think about you again Linus, but i guess I’ve only ever had time to think for the past two years i realized how little i knew anything but you. you looked after me, even though we where children you understood on a deeper level than anybody saw. my home life was awful and continues to be but now i have no escape and i think that was what kept me going. you’ve had a full life now and experienced other proper loves and happiness. i jumped out of our relationship and into a new one that overwhelmed me and drowned me and still is holding me under. you had me in such a way that i don’t even recognize myself as a human being i’m just easy to use. i should never have come back with you or sat next to you on the 193 each saturday night reading ur shitty dog eared manifestos knowing id lose all dignity i had gathered in the next several hours because you made me think it was love. love for me has never and will never be love it will just be meaningless sex and manipulation. for destroying a fourteen year old i hope you are happy. im sixteen now i still cant move on, why did you do that to me. you dropped me so easily and broke every promise you made me. riding on those fucking bikes with you was the pinpoint of where it all went wrong. i was wearing fuck jean shorts, jorts, and yet you still found some way to oversexualise me and my nervous laughter came off as compliance. that was my fault and still is, im a pushover. how you manipulated me into sleeping with you, making me doubt myself until i felt guilty and awful i let you humiliate me. what was worse was that you knew i couldn’t have stayed home it was far less safe. being stripped of my dignity each weekend or more in return for a meal and a bed was not bad. sometimes the false pretense of innocent love was enough for me but i craved and still do true feelings. ill never be an equal to a man, i am small and weak. i am just a body and you pushed me into that harsh reality too early, i should have been naive to that for far longer and that is why i hope you rot. i never got to finish high school or make friends, my body is mutilated and scarred and my head feels like its melting. you’ll never understand it but it still hurts so badly why wont you just go away

Simply Confess