• 2 weeks ago

He started out as a mild interest, in my first year of high school. We were in one class together, math. We didn’t talk until the end of the year, when we were assigned next to each other. I remember, I was so confused on why I was wishing to be next to him. I had low self esteem back then, and was awkward, but he was always nice, tried making small talk no matter how closed off I was, made jokes, smiled at me. It felt good being next to him. I even remember being embarrassed about my dumb responses. “You’re so good at math, I must be an idiot. 🙁 ” he said, which I dumbly responded, “Oh?, yeah you are!”, then proceeded to profusely apologize to him the second after. My first year ended, and even after a summer of praying, we weren’t in any same classes my second year. I saw him a lot in the hallways, the cafeteria, in the huge courtyard too, my eyes always finding him within seconds. At this time I started to realize that I did in fact like him. It was hard for me to accept it. I was in First Stage: Denial. (pfft) Actually, our eyes always met, no matter what. I thought he was just a weirdo who loves staring at eyeballs. But I’m sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else, just me. I became shy, and always avoided it at one point, avoiding him in general. When I saw him from the other end of the hallway, I stared down at my feet. But now? I strive for it. To talk to him, to be friends, or even simple hellos or smiles. Its my third year, and now I make as much eye contact as possible. I smile when I’m near him, not directly to him, but if he glances my way, he’ll see me smiling. We still don’t have classes together this year, and probably not next year, though I hope we do. But I made one form of contact with him for the first time after two years. I waved at him, next to a friend of mine who was also waving at me. Now I can add, most of my friends are connected to him in one way or another. He’s a friendly, loud dude, I know that more than anyone at this point, so he has a lot of friends. I think he’s friends with almost my whole year. Its frustrating that everyone knows him but me, but when my friends occasionally bring him up, I make full use of it. I actually heard he has a girlfriend, which didn’t effect me at all so there’s that. Its been three years since I’ve liked him, so maybe my feelings are getting numb, but in the end, I don’t care if we date, I just want to be friends with him.

Simply Confess