I used a clue trap to catch a mouse living in my apartment, strategically place outside it hideyhole, an hour later, sure enough… but something happened… as it struggled to only tighten the hold, it looked at me, in complete terror and I felt nothing at first. I stared and watched it’s futile attempt to break free from the sticky glue. Its impending demise completely passing my absent judgment, a judgement that any sane and decent person would agree; glue traps are inhumane, this purposeful living creature should have no need to suffer like this, but unexpectedly I felt this empowerment, this demented deranged sensation, sliding up from my feet to the arch of my back, slithering from my core to my finger tips, a connecting sensation, almost euphoric.
Trying to find the words to describe this point is inconceivable, I’m at a lost, insufficient words would be should I try to unmask and name this dreadful yet intoxicating sense. But I can tell you for sure, It felt good, it felt real, something I’ve always denied myself. I always feared this, feared that my disconnection from this world would manifest into pure malevolence, I just didn’t think it would happen so quick.
Its been 15 minutes and the little thing was still giving all its worth to break free, driven from the instinctual reaction to survive, I took a pen and pressed the other half of its body into the glue, harder I pressed, the more the mouse tried. It’s nasal dangerously being consumed from the glue, I made sure it didn’t suffocate, took the pen and raised its fragile little head out from the glue. I was wondering at this point if the mouse had the cognitive ability to reconcile that maybe, this human sees my suffering and is willing to release me. That, I can say, is completely wrong. I found myself grinning as it writhed in agony. Squirming to no avail.
At this point, I tried to reason with my sanity, but all I heard were the voices.
I found a vile of krazy clue and dropped a couple drops into the left eye of the incapacitated mouse. Anguish and more struggle ensued.
The eye swelled to the size of a small marble, a beach ball in comparison to a human and it finally started to make a sound. A noise like a faint hiss. I didn’t know they could make such a sound.
I dropped a couple of more drops into the other eye, the mouse defecated and I licked my lips.
Pressing on its head, I buried its nasal into the glue, it squirmed in its final moment. Every time it exhaled, a glue bubble formed around its nose not quite enough to burst the pocket of air…
in its finally moments, I took a roofing nail and placed it on its head, driving it in like captive bolt pistol.
The mouse was no more.
Its been too long since I felt like a human, and I think I found my way back in.

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