So about a year ago I went to a end-of-semester party and made out with a friend I sort of had a crush with. I was going on vacation the next day and we simply ignored it. This sort of happened a second time, also drunk and in his car. this time it escalated a bit more. When I got home we texted about what had happened and in class the next day talked about it. We agreed that we were friends and that there werent any feelings attached. I agreed since I was honestly confused, I sort of liked him but not enough to risk our friendship. It happened again, twice. By this time we had talked about what the hell was going on. For some time we agreed on being friends with benefits, and I was OK with that. Even though I really wanted to kiss him I wasn´t in love. Once we were making out, he was a little tipsy and started talking and asking “what are we?” and i kept saying “we´re just friends”, I remember him saying “I dont know how I feel about you” and later I just blacked out and remember nothing about that night. The next morning he said we needed to talk. I told him I didn´t remember anything beyond that but that I felt things were getting complicated so we should just end it there and continue being friends. He said that it was OK and that he felt that if, at some point, we decided to try being something more that this wasn´t how it should start. I told him I was OK with that and we went on as friends as always. About a week later we were talking about the rest of the night. He said we ended up crying and he wouldn´t tell me what happened and what we talked about that night. I dont know if I told him I liked him, or if he said the same to me but then decided it wasnt worth it? I know its fucked up but I just really want to kiss him again, I´ve got a problem I know but it was always just so nice and fun. I want to have fun but worry about the whole situation. He´s really complicated and sort of a cold person, completely opposite to me. We´re staying at a friends house this weekend, and my inner hoe is saying to star something but my brain is telling me something more. GOD i really need help.
