And you’re just an uncool, ugly, played out old sod to her. If she even thinks of you at all.

I’d start acting always a little angry and dumb around her. Not enough to scare her off, but enough to REALLY annoy her. I’d start an outrageous argument and allow myself to lose– but then refuse to admit I’d lost. Come outside in a dirty old tank top and order her not to walk too close to my grass, get her to lose respect for me, tell her friends about it, get them to start mouthing off to me, PRETEND they scared me a little but refuse to stop– pretty soon I’d have a gang of teenage girls going out of their way to tease and torment me for fun.