I want to be kidnapped, abused and overall just killed on the inside and kept alive on the outside. I want to be hollow, like a porcelain doll. I want to be used and broken like a child’s toy, until I’m deemed too unworthy of playing with and am thrown away. I want to be fucked up in the head to the point I hear voices that tell me to off myself and I want to have the main voice be my abuser’s. I want to be raped, cut, hit, forced into embarrassing things while in front of whole damn crowds of people who think my suffering is either funny or arousing. I want to have my body look like a f****** battle ground, covered in scars from war and bloody wounds from the rivers of death that run through them. I want my tears to mean nothing and my suffering to be enjoyed. I want to be taken to a secluded place in the middle of nowhere and tied to a wall, strapped to a medical table, hell, being hung from the ceiling on a meat hook would be f****** amazing. I want to feel every single wound inflicted on me in perfect precision, the drag of a knife, the dull throb or a forming bruise, sharp stinging as my nails are ripped out, blackened blood warm and drying on my skin as it falls. I want every single infliction of pain to be a miracle in itself, though I would hate for my body to be worshipped for it’s sacrifice. Every single wound will be given without care, unceremoniously and without harmony in the fact that there will be no medical attention from my abuser. There will only be more stinging pain so I don’t get infected and die, as the person responsible for my torture doesn’t want their plaything to go without their own hand at my throat and their own knife plunged deep in my gut.

• Share on Facebook