17 years
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i can’t sleep no matter how tired i am. even if im not thinking about him, my heart is heavy and the sadness that i live with every day is killing me slowly. i should snap out of it, but when i suddenly think about him i realize that i have been feeling this way ever since… "he" happened to me. he was the one who could make me so happy but at the same time could make me so damn miserable. its a long confusing story and i dont even know what happened exactly between us all i knew was that i cant stay with him because it was not right. unhappy with him unhappy without him but at least with him i had some wonderful moments of real pure happiness, when things were going well. but he never changed. he will never change, so its not even an option to go back to him. and i should be happy, i should snap out of this. but i am just so tired. each day is a fight, i carry my sadness around everywhere. i dont think anything will compare to what i felt with him. that kind of connection just doesnt happen twice in a lifetime. but its gone, its wasted, it wouldnt have even worked out in the long run. but it was so damn beautiful. i need to see a f****** shrink.

New Confession

So, one time I told my mom that I wanna buy a lollipop, I was 17 that time. My step brother then asked if he could come my mom and I agreed. Me and my step brother let’s just call him Daniel. Daniel the both of went out to buy. We bought a few things lollies and he said he wanted a beer, so I bought one for him. But on the way home walking he asked saying “I have a lollipop why would you buy one?” I looked confused. But I just said I like the strawberry flavored more. he then asked if we could go somewhere for awhile, I agreed cuz’ why not, The house is boring anyway. We went to this secluded area it’s dim but not to dark. No person is walking at that time because it’s night a bit late. We sat down on the bench right beside each other. around probably 5 minutes passed, he took my hand and hovered at top of his “DIH’ it was hard, very hard. my hand is not inside yet. He spoke “you make me this hard everyday.” mind you he was 22 at that time. I sat down still, I didn’t move one bit and just let him do what he wants to. then, he puts my hand inside and helped me stroke his “Dih” I stroked it, he started moaning softly minutes passed like that, he spoke after “Can you s*** for me?” I nodded, because what can I do? I sucked his dih and he exploded on my mouth. I thought it was done and he told me to swallow so I did. after that we didn’t tell mom nor dad it’s our little secret. that was 6 months ago, and now we both sometimes do it when we are alone.

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