when I was much younger, during my years in college, I met up with my Dad for dinner with my grandparents. He was telling me a story of someone he knew and their child, who was attending a more prestigious college than myself, and far out of town. I was attending college in my hometown. He proceeded to say, “you should have gone away to school like that”.
This frankly hurt my feelings a great deal and made me quite angry. I had no direction whatsoever from either of my parents . They frankly never said I should even attend college. In addition they never really had any concern, question or interest in my high school, or grades. I took it upon myself to find schools, apply and engage with them without direction. I even remember taking my bicycle up to the local bank so I could apply for a student loan and met with the bank manager. At no point in my college life or prior did my father make any attempt or gesture in offer to pay or help or guide in any way. So when he made this proclamation, all I could think was, if you gave a damn about me going to college, why the hell didn’t you lift a finger when I was running around dealing with this…or make an effort or offer to pay or help? I was totally on my own and my parents did zero, no offer of help, no guidance, not even lip service.
This anger I’ve carried with me for a long time and I want to be rid of it. I want to let go of this anger, this crappy ball of negative s***. This note to the world is my letting go of it. Forever. I want it out of my head.
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it’s over 🙂