My sister is probably the reason i am the way i am, in both positive and negative aspects; but mostly, it’s negative. One one hand i’ve learned from her mistakes, but on the other, i’m… well.
She was rebellious, self-harmed, and ran away with her long-distance boyfriend when she was 17 (i was 12). After living in SD for about two years she decided to move back to our city with her new boyfriend. She was addicted to popping pills and went to raves just about every week. This went on for years, and last summer was when it got really bad. She’d call my parents every day demanding money for pills and saying how much she hated us. every. day. Fake accidents and stomach problems to get us to take her to the doctor. When my parents had enough they took her to a rehab center and found that she wasn’t only addicted to pills but also alcohol and heroin. We made the stupid decision of letting her stay with us to get sober. She was actually doing well and had a really painful talk with me after five years of only seeing each other on christmas and she apologized to me for everything. By that time, i had been fed up, but that talk released so much emotion for me that i started the process of forgiving her.
the next day when i came home from school, she was gone.
She’d left with her boyfriend the minute my mom said that she couldn’t talk with him until she got better. Told my mom to f*** off and that her boyfriend was the only thing that mattered to her.
I was emotionally, physically, and spiritually broken. Exhausted from the (now eight) years of emotional pain she’d caused. That conversation we had now means nothing to me. I’m more bitter now, less forgiving and just… cold, and it’s all because of her. I can’t trust her anymore no matter how hard i try; she’s stopped with her pill and heroin addiction but still drinks every day, and her and my family are on good terms now (oddly enough). She comes over every other week or so to do laundry and although we’ve been friendly deep down i can’t help but blame her for all the s*** that i’ve been through. She tells me that she wants to be closer to me, but i don’t have the heart to tell her that it’ll never be the same after all she did to me and my family.
I don’t hate her. I just feel like she’s not my sister anymore.
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It sounds like your sister is trying, and that she honestly is sorry for how she treated you. It’s hard to forgive people, especially with the crazy ordeal that she’s put you through, but maybe it is something you will be able to forgive one day.