I’ve always been a bit of

I’ve always been a bit of a pack rat but I’ve let it get BAD. I cleaned up enough to have visitors about a month and a half ago, but even then I mostly just stuffed things in my closet and told them not to open it. Since they left, I haven’t taken the garbage out of my bedroom, I’ve let dirty dishes stack up, and I’ve just piled dirty clothes on the floor. Now I have to move for school, and I am cleaning it all up myself because I’m too ashamed for anyone to see my mess. I joke sometimes about being messy, but I think most people just brush it off.
Motivating myself has been so hard lately. My life isn’t even all that bad, not compared to what I know some people cope with; I just seem unable to handle even the smallest bit. I had to reschedule a flight home to visit a sick family member because I have to stay here and clean so that I can find someone to take my room and be ready to move in a few weeks. Ugh! This is driving me crazy and affecting the people I love.
When I moved into this new place, I said that this wouldn’t happen again. But now I mean it. This has messed up my life one too many times, and I’m finished. I’m taking all of the garbage out and doing a deep clean over the next few days, then getting rid of everything that I don’t have an immediate use for. It’s going to be rough, and I’m not completely sure how I will keep myself going, but I have no choice right now.
I am just so glad for this website. I have needed to tell someone for quite some time, but it is embarrassing to even think about this problem too much, and I have found myself downplaying the extent of how bad things have gotten even to my therapist.

• Share on Facebook