I think I might have a

  • 10 years ago
  • 148 Views

I think I might have a small bit of racism in me even though I am puerto rican and thus mixed. I am improving but it shames me to know I have small racist knee jerk thoughts or reactions at times. I blame my family for this for instilling this attitude in me since I was a child and making me feel ashamed for having a crush on certain people. Again I have gotten over it or at least I am getting there but I feel like I will never totally be the person I want to be and feel resentment for having been taught this way. My family has sort of close minded attitude and they try to deny it but it shows all the time if they see a black and a white kissing or two women kissing. It shows in their reactions and I grew up witnessing those reactions daily. I am much better than before but my past fills me up with so much shame and depression. I hate myself for feeling this way and even now feel like I’m just coming up with excuses for myself. If I try to discuss this with my family they think I’m being silly. I truly hate myself and regret some of the things I have said. If I could meet that person again I would allow him to do whatever he wanted to me to make up for my behavior. Anything. I feel so much shame and it hurts so badly. I cringe when I think of my past. Why was I such a horrible and ignorant human being?

All Comments

  • Congratulations welcome to the race we call humanity, everyone of us has some bigotry or other. Bigotry against our own or against others it’s human nature.

    Anonymous April 13, 2014 9:41 am Reply
  • And racism and bigotry aren’t necessarily bad things. You’ve been conditioned by school and the media to think racism = bad. Maybe instead you should be proud of it? Own it. You’ll be happier, and you aren’t the only one out there. Trust me.

    Anonymous April 13, 2014 7:16 pm Reply

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